主题：【原创】读书笔记：情花之毒，以忘忧草解 -- 山有木兮

读的是一篇叫做“The invention that isn't working”的文章。哥哥好像是从一本什么教材（社会学？伦理学？）上复印下来的，那么远的路平信只走了四天，收到很是惊喜了一下。

很耐读的一篇，不长，但论得有理有据，很清楚。

作者是 Ernest van den Haag, 题目是编书者加的。

关于作者的介绍说道：“Ernest van den Haag (b. 1914) was born in The Hague (what his name tell us is true) and educated at Europen universities before he came to the United States. He pursued graduate study at New York University, where he continued as a staff psychoanalyst. He is the author of The Fabric of Society (1957), which combines sociological and psychological perspectives on modern life, and his articles have appeared in magazines such as Commentary, Partisan Review, and Harpr's, which printed this essay in 1962. Professionally involved in counseling people about their feelings, van den Haag maintains that romantic love threwatens to undermine marriage.”

心得之一：人们结婚，因为需要爱

“Our contacts are many, our relationships few: Our lives, externally crowed, often are internally isolated; we remain but tenuously linked to each other and our ties come easily undone. One feels lonely surrounded by crowds and machines in an unbounded, abstrat world that has become morally unintelligible; and we have so much time now to feel lonely in. Thus one longs, perhaps more acutely than in the past, for somebody to be tangibly, individually, and definitely one's own, body and soul. ”

心得之二：爱是“求之不得，寤寐思服”的一种病态

"The troubadours usually took sex and marriage for granted and dealt with love--the newest and still the most surprising and fascinating of all relationships. And also the most unstable."

"Plato described love as a desire for something one does not have, implying that it is a longing, not a fulfillment. But in ancient Greece, love was regarded diffidently, as rather undesirable, an intoxication, a bewitchment, a divine punishment--usually for neglecting sex." 呵呵， ：）

“The troubadours thought differently, although, unlike many moderns, they did not deny that love is a passion, somethign one suffers. But they thought it a sweet suffering to be cultivated, and they celebrated it in song and story.” （他说的这些troubadours是谁呀？嗯，是我们说的“行吟诗人”！维基百科：A troubadour (IPA: [tuβau], originally [tuβao]) was a composer and performer of Occitan lyric poetry during the High Middle Ages (1100–1350). )

哈，其实我中华先人的智慧早已堪破这个寥：所谓伊人，在水一方，顺流逆流，皆求之不得！寤寐思服，辗转反侧，这甜蜜的痛苦的折磨，被吟咏了三千年！年轻时候读，喜欢那飘忽的美，如今才知，说的却原来是那无望无悔的爱！因为不得，所以刻骨。

心得之三：情花之毒，以忘忧草解

“We try to cope with this contest by fusing love and sex. (Every high-school student is taught that the two go together.) This, as Freud pointed out, doesn not always succeed and may moderate both, but, as he also implied, it is the best we can hope for. In the words of William Butler Yeats, "Desire dies because every touch consumes the myth and yet, a myth that cannot be consumed becomes a specter..."”

“Yet any fulfillment now must also become a disappointment--a substitute, cheating the longing that wents to long.” （阿原一叹！作者还指出，如此治愈，情花之毒的转化有三种可能：affectionate companionship 即幸福婚姻中的最佳结局； indifference； or hostility. 后面这两种可能，我知道。

记起当年冬天的早晨跑步之后洗冷水澡的感觉，记起在浴室里哆嗦着吼《忘忧草》：“让软弱的我们懂得残忍，狠狠面对人生每次寒冷～！”

作者在文章后面说：道德判断难做，但是，底线应该是：“not to use others, or even ourselves, merely as a means.” 正因为这个，我似乎永远无法彻底原谅当年那曾经相爱的人indifferent 的残忍。

心得之四： 可治愈，不免疫

最好的结局，爱转化成affectionate companionship. If the relationship is stablilized, love is replaced by other emotions (Marriage thus has often been recommended as the cure for love. But it does not always work.)

"Marital love may grow with knowledge and intimacy and shared experience" 看，这似乎是最美好的结局了。

可是，那情花之毒，说不定还会染上，就像染上感冒，哪有什么道理？我的朋友，正教授Trish， 22岁跟青梅竹马（他们老美不懂咱这么美的词儿，不过听她说可不就是那么回事嘛！）的老公结婚，都有过A journal 发paper 一审接受不再review的俩牛人，从美国到新西兰，一路上是彼此最好的朋友，25年婚姻，外孙都有了，老头儿又“爱”了，是系里一35岁Senior Lecturer，闹得沸沸扬扬，Trish激动之下把老头儿赶出家门，三年后，人家那俩人结婚，她跟我感慨说：“曾经想过，也许不该就那样把他推出去。。。”

心得之五： 拒饮忘忧草，爱而无悔

要保持爱，据说只有保持距离。

“The religious too perpetuate longing by placing the beloved altogether out of physical reach. The "bride of Christ" who retires to a convent longs for her Redeemer--and she will continue to yearn, as long as she lives, for union with a God at once human and divine, incarnating life and love everlasting. In its highest sense, love is a reaching for divine perfection, an act of creation. And always, it is a longing. ” 读到这句，想到爱因斯坦的关于科学研究和关于宗教的思考。思维这么一量子跳跃就把两三件事儿连一起了嘿！很开心地在文章margin上写：“Yeh~! I see the point!!!”

爱翁在普朗克60岁生日宴会上的讲话《探索的动机》里说：“促使人们去做这种工作的精神状态是同信仰宗教的人或恋爱的人的精神状态相类似的；他们每天的努力并非来自深思熟虑的意向或计划，而是直接来自激情。” （完整论述及英文版，请另见博克文章：http://blog.wenxuecity.com/blogview.php?date=200802&postID=37027）

就是这个爱，阿原以中人资质，辗转几十年染上去不掉。拒饮忘忧，爱而无悔，不计回报。这是典型的求而不得：知越多，能感知的未知也越广大，生有涯而知无涯！唉，所谓伊人在水一方，追到死为止吧！

至于别的，我不知道,且微笑着Let life unfold itself吧。

五点心得记下来，留给自己。行了，阿原从此可以再不费心思考情与爱的道理，包括Mr Right Myth，轨不轨出不出，小三现象，爱能否持久，为爱自杀如何。。。都不再会参加议论了。因为，想“通”了。