主题：Tom Lehrer：1967年哥本哈根演唱会 -- 万年看客

现在我想转向民谣音乐的爱好者们。在我看来，最真实、最地道的民谣歌曲之所以难听，正是因为它们出自人民之手。所以我想自己也尝试一下。以下是一首古老的《爱尔兰民谣》/The Irish Ballad*，可以追溯到1947年。这首歌具备了民谣艺术形式的所有特点，特别配备了一句傻乎乎的副歌——瑞克提-提克提-停——以及好几百句歌词。请大家放宽心，今晚我只打算唱大约七八十句。我再说一句，民谣歌曲应该用民间乐器伴奏，而钢琴出于某种原因并不属于民间乐器。所以请想象我正在演奏一把88根弦的吉他。还有一件事，大家都知道观众参与是公共民谣演唱的重要组成部分，所以如果你们中有人想跟着一起唱，我衷心希望你们赶紧出去凉快凉快。

*【https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47bKTtIwrO4】

About a maid I’ll sing a song

Sing rickety tickety tin

About a maid I’ll sing a song

Who didn’t have her family long

Not only did she do them wrong

She did every one of them in, them in

She did every one of them in.

我要为一位姑娘唱首歌，

唱那瑞克提-提克提-停，

我要为一位姑娘唱首歌，

她家里人死的有点多，

她本人的责任难洗脱——

是她要了全家的命，的命，

是她要了全家的命。

One morning in a fit of pique

Sing rickety tickety tin

One morning in a fit of pique

She drowned her father in the creek

The water tasted bad for a week

And we had to make do with gin, with gin

We had to make do with gin

有一天早上她发脾气，

唱那瑞克提-提克提-停，

有一天早上她发脾气，

她把亲爹淹死在河沟里，

把河水泡臭了一星期——

我们只好喝酒先代替，代替，

我们只好喝酒先代替。

Her mother she could never stand

Sing rickety tickety tin

Her mother she could never stand

And so a cyanide soup she planned

The mother died with the spoon in her hand

And her face in a hideous grin, a grin

Her face in a hideous grin.

她娘的脾气她受不了，

唱那瑞克提-提克提-停，

她娘的脾气她受不了，

汤碗里下了氰化药，

老娘断气时还拿着勺——

那张老脸还笑得抽筋，抽筋，

那张老脸还笑得抽筋。

*【通行版本中以下还有一段：

She set her sister’s hair on fire

Sing rickety tickety tin

She set her sister’s hair on fire

And as the smoke and flame rose higher

Danced around the funeral pyre

Playing a violin, -olin

Playing a violin.

她在妹妹头上把火烧，

唱那瑞克提-提克提-停，

她在妹妹头上把火烧，

火苗带黑烟有三丈高，

她还围着她妹妹把舞跳——

还在拉小提琴，提琴，

还在拉小提琴。】

She weighted her brother down with stones

Sing rickety tickety tin

She weighted her brother down with stones

And sent him off to Davey Jones

All they ever found were some bones

And occasional pieces of skin, of skin

Occasional pieces of skin.

她用石头把她哥沉下海，

唱那瑞克提-提克提-停，

她用石头把她哥沉下海，

他一沉到底就上不来，

只捞到人骨头两三块——

还有碎人皮好像补丁，补丁，

还有碎人皮好像补丁。

One day she had nothing to do

Sing rickety tickety tin

One day she had nothing to do

She cut her baby brother in two

And served him up as an Irish stew

And invited the neighbours in, -bours in

Invited the neighbours in.

有一天她闲得没事干，

唱那瑞克提-提克提-停，

有一天她闲得没事干，

她把她弟弟劈成两半，

扔进汤锅里炖得稀烂——

款待街坊四邻与乡亲，乡亲，

款待街坊四邻与乡亲。

And when at last the police came by

Sing rickety tickety tin

And when at last the police came by

Her little pranks she did not deny

To do so she would have had to lie

And lying she knew was a sin, a sin

And lying she knew was a sin.

到最后警察登门拜访，

唱那瑞克提-提克提-停，

到最后警察登门拜访，

她开的玩笑她都认账，

不认账那她就得撒谎——

可是撒谎实在昧良心，良心，

可是撒谎实在昧良心。

My tragic tale I won’t prolong

Sing rickety tickety tin

My tragic tale I won’t prolong

I hope you like my little song

You’ve yourself to blame if it’s too long

You should never have let me begin, begin

You should never have let me begin.

我唱到这里先算一站，

唱那瑞克提-提克提-停，

我唱到这里先算一站，

希望听众们都喜欢，

你要是嫌长也没法办——

我还没唱你就应该叫停，叫停，

我还没唱你就应该叫停。

下面我唱一首总是有人点唱的歌曲，但我实在理解不了为什么这首歌这么受欢迎——歌词仅仅是将化学元素名称配上吉尔伯特和沙利文音乐剧的旋律。我想我之所以唱这首歌的唯一理由就是想看看我是否还能唱下。我们来试试这首《元素之歌》/The Elements*。

*【https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWLeBIWklYo】

There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,

And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,

And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,

And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,

Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,

And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium,

And gold and protactinium and indium and gallium,

And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.

这里有锑、砷、铝、硒，

还有氢、氧、氮和铼，

镍、钕、镎、锗，

铁、镅、钌、铀，

铕、锆、镥、钒，

镧、锇、砹、镭，

金、镤、铟、镓，

碘、钍、铥、铊。

There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium,

And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium,

And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,

And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium.

这里有钇、镱、锕、铷，

还有硼、钆、铌、铱，

锶、硅、银、钐，

铋、溴、锂、铍、钡。

这里其实少唱了一种元素。这首歌当初写好之后又发现了一种新元素叫做铹*。在座的有人要是正在做笔记，这是个知识点。

*【这首歌创作于1959年，1961年铹元素被发现。】

There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium,

And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium,

And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,

Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium.

And lead, praseodymium and platinum, plutonium,

Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,

And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium,

And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.

钬、氦、铪和铒，

磷、钫、氟和铽，

锰、汞、钼、镁，

镝、钪、铈和铯。

铅、镨、铂、钚，

钯、钷、钾、钋，

钽、锝、钛、碲，

镉、钙、铬和锔。

There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium,

And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,

And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium,

And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium.

These are the only ones o_f which the news has come to Ha'vard,

And there may be many others but they haven't been discavard.

这里有硫、锎、镄还有锫

还有钔、锿、锘，

氩、氪、氖、氡、氙、锌和铑，

氯、碳、钴、铜、钨、锡和钠。

上述这些元素哈佛大学全听说过*，

兴许还有更多不过谁都不好乱说。

*【Tom Lehrer本人毕业于哈佛大学数学专业。】

你们可能对这首歌的更早期版本感兴趣，这个版本旨在致敬亚里士多德，歌词是这样的：

There's earth and air and fire and water

这里有地、风、火和水。

那时候的生活简单多了。接下来我想谈谈色情内容，或者像我们在美国的说法就是淫秽——多么美妙的词啊。最近在美国法庭上有很多关于这个问题的案例。例如美国最高法院已经决定，如果一本书或一部电影能够激起一般人的淫秽兴趣，那么它就应当遭到禁止。我查了一下，淫秽兴趣指的是“激发了病态、淫荡、好色的欲望”。这句话肯定描述了我们今晚在座的所有人。但是我不同意这一原则，因为我确实很享受我的好色欲望得到激发——事实上只有一件事比激发这些欲望更让我喜欢，那就是满足这些欲望。所以正如我说，我反对这项裁决。我们现在已经有了和平游行与民权游行，所以我想我也应该为淫秽举行一次游行。*

*【《淫秽之歌》/Smut，https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaHDBL7dVgs】

Smut!

Give me smut and nothing but!

A dirty novel I can't shut

If it's uncut

And unsubt- le

淫秽！

给我看淫秽别的都无所谓！

整一本黄书让我沉醉！

内容纯粹，

描写到位——嘿。

I've never quibbled

If it was ribald

I would devour where others merely nibbled

As the judge remarked the day that he

Acquitted my Aunt Hortense

"To be smut

It must be utterly without redeeming social importance."

我从来喜闻乐见，

脸不红神色不变，

别人浅尝辄止我却非要狼吞虎咽。

那天法官开恩贵手高抬，

把我姨妈放回家来：

“要构成淫秽

那必须彻底毫无积极社会意义。”

Por-

Nographic pictures I adore

Indecent magazines galore

I like them more

If they're hard core

毛片！

肉乎乎的艳照我最留恋！

不正经的杂志我爱看，

我更喜欢，

衣服别穿。

(Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties

Samplers, stained-glass windows, tattoos, anything!

More, more, I'm still not satisfied!)

（给我看淫秽的电影、壁画、明信片、领带，

织锦、彩绘玻璃、纹身，什么都行！

还要，还要，我还嫌不够！）

Stories of tortures

Used by debauchers

Lurid, licentious, and vile

Make me smile

调教与折磨，

那情节真邪恶，

露骨、下流、无耻、毁三观，

我最喜欢。

Novels that pander

To my taste for candor

Give me a pleasure sublime

(Let's face it, I love slime.)

卖肉的小说，

那读者就是我，

给我百分之二百的满足。

（说实话鄙人就爱看俗的。）

All books can be indecent books

Though recent books are bolder

For filth (I'm glad to say) is in

The mind of the beholder

When correctly viewed

Everything is lewd

(I could tell you things about Peter Pan

And the Wizard of Oz, there's a dirty old man!)

随便找本书就有伤风化

尽管最近真胆大，

因为淫者见淫

看啥都像妖精打架。

只要找准角度，

啥书都绷不住！

（我跟你讲讲《彼得潘》

和《绿野仙踪》——那才真叫老痴汉！）

I thrill

To any book like Fanny Hill

And I suppose I always will

If it is swill

And really fil

Thy

真香！

我沉迷《范妮.希尔》的篇章，

我眼里永远都有光，

心怀开张，

爱看好康——

的。

Who needs a hobby like tennis or philately?

I've got a hobby: rereading Lady Chatterley

But now they're trying to take it all away from us unless

We take a stand, and hand in hand

We fight for freedom of the press

In other words

谁在业余爱好打球或者收集邮票？

《查泰莱夫人的情人》，开卷我就眉开眼笑。

但现在他们试图夺走所有这些乐趣除非

我们联手肩并肩

为出版自由战斗到底，

换句话说——

Smut! (I love it)

Ah, the adventures of a slut

Oh, I'm a market they can't glut

I don't know what

Compares with smut

Hip hip hooray!

Let's hear it for the Supreme Court!

Don't let them take it away!

淫秽！（我爱死了！）

看《少妇阿冰》闯社会，

再多也难填我脾胃，

谁能般配

最爱的淫秽。

加油加油！

为最高法院高呼万岁！

别让他们钳制你我品味！

接下来我想与大家分享一项奇特的美国猎鹿习俗。我知道你们这里也打猎，但是打法不一样。我回国正好赶上猎鹿季，对此我非常期待。我们美国人的打法是这样的：人们戴上鲜红的帽子，走进树林，然后互相开枪。这样做不会招致任何惩罚，而且非常有趣。偶尔还有人真能射中一只鹿。

*【《打猎歌》/The Hunting Song，https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQyoSLOlglw】

I always will remember,

'twas a year ago November,

I went out to hunt some deer

On a mornin' bright and clear.

I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow,

Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

我永远不会忘却，

两年前那个十一月，

我去猎鹿带着枪，

天气晴朗的早上。

我遵守法律规定指哪打哪大丰收——

两名看守，七个猎人，一头牛。

I was in no mood to trifle,

I took down my trusty rifle

And went out to stalk my prey.

What a haul I made that day.

I tied them to my fender, and I drove them home somehow,

Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

我压根没工夫慌张，

我攥紧了手中猎枪

紧跟着猎物的方向，

这一天可真没白忙。

我把猎物搬到车上开车回家大丰收——

两名看守，七个猎人，一头牛。

The law was very firm, it

Took away my permit,

The worst punishment I ever endured.

It turned out there was a reason,

Cows were out of season,

And one of the hunters wasn't insured.

只可惜严格法律

将我的执照夺去，

最严厉的惩罚，根本没法减免。

不过法律判罚到位，

猎牛的季节不对，

而且七个猎人之一没买保险。

People ask me how I do it,

And I say, "there's nothin' to it,

You just stand there lookin' cute,

And when something moves, you shoot!"

And there's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now,

Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a pure-bred guernsey cow.

别人让我传授经验，

我说“这事全靠熟练，

你就站那儿不要慌，谁敢乱动就开枪。”

现在我家陈列室里挂着十颗猎物头——

两名看守，七个猎人，一头纯种格恩西牛。

下面是一首关于乡愁的歌曲，那些来自小镇的人们总是对他们出身的小镇抱有这种感觉。这是一首非常感性的歌曲，如果你们当中有人感觉想要流泪，不必尴尬，尽管哭一哭就是。

*【《我的家乡》/My Home Town，https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdCOZBLAcuQ】

I really have a yen

To go back once again

Back to the place where no one wears a frown

To see once more those super-special just plain folks

In my home town

我心里真怀念，

再回去看一看，

那里的乡亲个个都喜洋洋，

再看看那些别处见不着的街坊，

在我家乡。

No fellow could ignore

The little girl next door

She sure looked sweet in her first evening gown

Now there's a charge for what she used to give for free

In my home town

我家隔壁小姑娘

从小甜美又大方，

成人礼上她那身礼服多漂亮。

她当年跟我们干的事如今法律不让，

在我家乡。

I remember Sam

The druggist on the corner,

He was never mean or ornery

He was swell

He killed his mother-in-law and ground her up real well

And sprinkled just a bit

Over each banana split

我还记得萨姆，

街拐角的药剂师，

为人不急又不燥

十分沉稳。

他杀了他丈母娘还把她磨成细粉，

撒上一撮——不用多——

在每份冰激凌。

The guy that taught us math

Who never took a bath

Acquired a certain measure of renown

And after school he sold the most amazing pictures

In my home town

还有我们数学教员

不洗澡年复一年，

他的名声在我们那儿响当当，

因为放学后他还叫卖最泻火的画片

在我家乡。

That fellow was no fool

Who taught our Sunday School

And neither was our kindly Parson Brown

(Jeg ma hellere stryge den linje, ikke?)

In my home town

主日学校老师

肯定不是傻子，

亲爱的布朗神父也和他一样。

（丹麦语：我看这句咱最好别唱？*）

在我家乡。

*【这句在曲谱上是一条横线，Tom Lehrer会根据演出场合进行发挥。】

I remember Dan

He was the village idiot

And though it seems a pity, it was so

He loved to burn down houses just to watch the glow

And nothing could be done

Because he was the mayor's son

我还记得丹

他是镇里大傻子

尽管他看着可怜，其实不必，

他最爱放火把别人家房子烧成白地。

而且根本没办法，

谁让镇长是他爸，

The guy that took a knife

And monogrammed his wife

Then dropped her in the pond and watched her drown

Oh, yes indeed, the people there are just plain folks

In my home town

这人尖刀手中提，

扒了他老婆的皮，

还嫌不彻底又把她扔进池塘。

没错这都是淳朴善良的父老街坊，

在我家乡。

几周前美国媒体报道称中国引爆了一颗原子弹。对中国来说这当然是巨大的进步，但是对美国媒体来说更是巨大的进步，因为这是十八年来他们第一次将那个国家称作“中国”，而不是“红色中国”——此前他们一直希望那片麻烦的地方会自行消失。同时这也是他们第一次将中国的原子弹称作“炸弹”而不是“装置”，我们对此同样感到非常高兴。随着这么多国家都在掌握原子弹，你不禁会想《还有谁》/Who's Next*。这一切当然始于美国和英国。

*【https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRLON3ddZIw】

First we got the bomb and that was good,

'Cause we love peace and motherhood.

Then Russia got the bomb, but that's O.K.,

'Cause the balance of power's maintained that way!

Who's next?

首先我们有炸弹，那很不错，

我们热爱和平与祖国。

然后俄国有炸弹，那也还成，

因为国际势力要均衡！

还有谁？

France got the bomb, but don't you grieve,

'Cause they're on our side (I believe).

China got the bomb, but have no fears;

They can't wipe us out for at least five years!

Who's next?

法国有炸弹，那还好说，

因为他们是盟友（我觉得）*。

中国有炸弹，不过不用慌，

五年内休想把我们炸精光！

还有谁？

*【法国在1967年退出了北约。】

Then Indonesia claimed that they

Were gonna get one any day.*

South Africa wants two, that's right:

One for the black and one for the white!

Who's next?

印度尼西亚有话说，

他们早晚也要弄一颗。

南非有两颗，真应该：

因为黑人与白人要分开！

还有谁？

*【1968年后的版本是：Japan will have it own device/Transistorized at half the price. 日本也要做拥核国/晶体管技术打五折。】

Egypt's gonna get one, too,

Just to use on you know who.

So Israel's getting tense,

Wants one in self defense.

"The Lord's our shepherd," says the psalm,

But just in case --- we better get a bomb!

Who's next?

埃及也要来一颗，

对付哪个不用多说。

以色列真着急，

唯恐遭到偷袭，

“上帝看护我”，赞美诗里唱，

但是有了炸弹——心里才不慌！

还有谁？

Luxembourg is next to go

And --- who knows --- maybe Monaco.

We'll try to stay serene and calm

When Alabama gets the bomb!

Who's next, who's next, who's next?

Who's next?

卢森堡也要来一颗，

而且保不齐还有摩洛哥。

我们情绪稳定问题不大，

当炸弹来到阿拉巴马！

还有谁？还有谁？还有谁？

还有谁？