主题：【整理】《夏洛克 福尔摩斯》吐糟与彩蛋选 -- eslay

没头脑与不高兴是艺术作品中必不可少的要素。（比较狭义的说法是天然呆和傲娇。）在这个故事里，没头脑是Holmes，不高兴是Watson。看过电影的一半以上的群众认为他们不是gay。

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1．

影片开头，Holmes启动Combo发大招，从杂兵哪里缴获掉落物品帽子一顶。随后潜伏在二楼的Shrelock和Watson一同制服了另一杂兵。

Watson: I like the hat. （吐糟开始。）

Holmes: I just picked it up.

Watson: You remember your revolver?

Holmes: Knew I forgot something.

Watson: I thought I’d left the stove on. （吐糟继续。）

Holmes: You did.

（注意到Watson还在掐杂兵的脖子，吐糟。）

Holmes: I think that’s quite enough. You’re a doctor, after all.

2．

宅了N久的Holmes（该不会因为Watson的新欢吧）在实验手枪消音器。枪声吓坏了Watson的新房东和女管家。Watson敲Holmes的房门。

Watson: Permission to enter the armory.

Holmes: Granted.

3.

晚餐桌上，吃醋的Holmes气走Watson的未婚妻（女性）后。

Watson: Well done, old boy. （Very mature。）

4．

拳击场那段（Holmes启动Combo Strike之前）的插曲是”Rocky Road to Dublin”，是一首19世纪时的爱尔兰民谣。

5．

Watson带Holmes去见Blackwood之前。这段吐糟其实是一个动作，发生在Watson得知Holmes蛋疼地捉了六小时虫子之后。

Watson: And what happens if I do this? （掀开瓶子，用手杖敲了敲，把虫子全放跑了。）

6．

Holmes去见Blackwood时，Blackwood嘟囔的是地球人都知道的（好吧，信上帝的人和看过漫画《怪物》的人都知道的）《约翰默示录》的一章，《从海里来的兽》。从这时起我就知道这位仁兄是Lord“忽悠”。

7．

Blackwood死前的遗言是《木乃伊》的一句台词。

8．

Irene（就是Holmes仰慕的那个女贼）带着Moriarty（莫利亚蒂教授，福尔摩斯系列的最终boss）的委托来见Holmes。

（Irene掏信，Holmes惊慌失措）

Irene: Why are you always so suspicious?

Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically? （这次轮到Holmes不高兴了。）

Irene: Careful not to cut yourself on this lethal envelope.

9．

Irene离开，Holmes傲娇地弹一种琴。之后Watson上场，玩儿命吐糟仰慕Irene的Holmes，建议Holmes远离麻烦（leave the case alone）。

Holmes: Well, I may not have a choice, Hmm? After all, I may be paying the rent alone soon, thanks to you. （醋意盎然地拿琴弓指着Watson。）

Watson: Get that out of my face.

Holmes: It’s not in your face. It’s in my hand.

Watson: Get what is in your hand out of my face.

路人警官Clarky上场。

Clarky: Sir, Inspector Lestrade asks that you come with me at once.

Holmes: What’s he done now? Lost his way to Scotland Yard? Watson, grab a compass. （面对伦敦警察，一种智力的优越感油然而生。）

得知Blackwood死而复活后，Holmes拼命拉老相好下水。

Watson: You’re not taking this seriously, are you Holmes?

Holmes: Yes. As you should. It’s a matter of professional integrity. No girl wants to marry a doctor who can’t tell if a man is dead or not.

10.

墓地勘查后，Holmes雇佣的吉普赛女人上场，诋毁Watson的未婚妻。两人不欢而散。Waston去见未婚妻及父母，Holmes独自调查死者的住处。

（Watson一脚踹开Holmes要撬的门。）

Holmes: It does make a considerable difference to me having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly rely.

Watson: Well, you can rely on me for exactly 10 minutes. （我们管这叫傲娇。）

11．

河边屠宰场，Blackwood装13地出场后。

Holmes: What a busy afterlife you are having. （吐糟。）

Blackwood: I want you to be my witness. Tomorrow, at midday, the world as you know it…

Watson: Show me your face and it will be the end of your world right now. （再吐。）

死亡机器开动，火焰包围了Sherck和Irene。

Holmes: It’s warm in here, Watson （其实快被烤焦了。）

后来解Watson的皮带（挂在链子上增大阻力）。

Holmes: Don’t get excited. （汗。）

12．

警官逮捕被通缉的Holmes，看到地上推理用的画符（顺便说一句，那作案顺序实在太古典了）。

Lestrade: Hello hello hello. Did the d turn up? Well…Never mind. You got the next best thing.

13.

接下来的吐糟点不多了，因为故事要收尾了。直到Blackwood死亡之后，才有了新笑点。对了，决斗的那个未完工的大桥就是后来的伦敦塔大桥。据说Blackwood这个人物也是有原形的。管他呢。

话说Watson和未婚妻Mary向Holmes道别，发现了伪装上吊的大侦探。

Holmes: I was trying to deduce the manner in which Blackwood survived his execution. Clearing our good names as well. （吐糟Watson）But it had a surprising supporous effect on me, and I was carried off in the arms of Morpheus. Like a caterpillar in a cocoon. （暗示Watson放他下来。）Good afternoon, dear. （向Mary问好。）

Watson: Get on with it, Holmes. （淡定。）

Holmes: Cleverly concealed in the hangman’s knot was a hook. Oh dear, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down. （再次暗示Watson放他下来。）

Mary: John, shouldn’t we help him down?

Watson: No, no, no, I hate to cut him off midstream. Carry on. （淡定。）

Holmes: Uh, look, the executioner attached it to a harness thus allowing the weight to be distributed around the waist to remain intact. Oh, my lord, I can’t feel my ch s. Might we continue this at ground level? （开始求饶。）

Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes? （这回的吐糟方法就是比xxx还淡定。）

Holmes: I have managed it with braces, belts, and a coat hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is growing cold and I’ll be no use to you at all. （看来真的挺不住了。）

Watson: Worse things have happened. （得理不饶人。）

Mary: John. （未婚妻看不下去了。）

（Watson把Holmes放了下来。）

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总之，这个故事讲的是Holmes为了挽回要与他人结婚的助手Watson，一哭二闹三上吊并顺便解决了一个案子的激情四溢的故事。故事结尾出现的Moriarty，暗示大家还会有第二部，第三部……